i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
