Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
