I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
