so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
