I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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