Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Randomize
