Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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