He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
