That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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