New low: just hacked my moms facebook
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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