Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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