I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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