so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
