You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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