it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
