I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
home. puking in laundry basket.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
