Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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