i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
