Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
