At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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