I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
