I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
