So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
