Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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