I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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