Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
