Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
