Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
