Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
