I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
