I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
