I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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