I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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