I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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