Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
