Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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