quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
