If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
