You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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