thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
