I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
