how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
