Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
