It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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