i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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