His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
