I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
