There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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