It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
