At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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