i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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