DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
