**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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