We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
