Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
